Food and Bonding

If there’s one thing that can bring people together (besides music!), one of life’s greatest pleasures is food.

My mum used to own a takeaway in her younger years. I always remember watching her do the food prep for the many dishes that were on the menu. We would accompany mum to the supermarket where she would stock up on items, if we were lucky we might get a bag of white rabbit sweets or haw flakes (flat discs of candy made from Chinese hawthorn) to share which would be our bounty. Mum used to make a huge pot of curry sauce which would take at least 12 hours of prep. I would watch her endlessly stirring with her big wooden stick which was stained with curry paste. The smell would permeate everything, the end result was always worth it. Even today some of my favourite comfort foods are chips with curry sauce or sweet and sour fish fingers. One of my favourite things I used to do which was one of my jobs in the shop was to bag up the freshly fried prawn crackers. My mum would put them into a big metal container and I was responsible for putting them in paper bags and twirl them at the corners so we could sell them in the shop. What happens when you allow a five year old to be in such close vicinity to freshly made prawn crackers? I would of course eat a whole bunch of them and get a massive telling off… but they were always worth it!

I’ve always been fascinated with food. The ingredients we buy, how we prepare them, the flavour and texture combinations of dishes, the colours and the presentation. I’m sure that stemmed from my childhood in a takeaway shop and seeing endless people coming in to buy their dinners.

Coming from a background of Chinese heritage, I have always leaned towards natural remedies to help with illnesses. I will only seek Western medication when absolutely necessary. I’m a big believer in using food to heal, I also love to eat colourful, natural food – colour therapy through food has been an important part of managing my wellbeing. I’m not a complete saint though when it comes to food, I also love sweets and I’m a sucker for crisps.

Today I’ve been looking after mum and making sure that she eats well which is not always easy when caring for those with dementia. Their eating habits will change, they will often lose their appetite, forget to chew and swallow too fast and end up choking, or even eat too much and be sick. We also need to make sure we leave out a midnight snack for mum when she wanders around in the early morning as she will be peckish and need something to eat. I know what I’m like when I’m hangry, I certainly don’t want mum to get like that.

We are very lucky where we live in Hong Kong as we have many restaurants and a few supermarkets nearby which has food that mum is used to. When mum was back in the UK the food there didn’t really agree with her, although she does love a Sunday roast and she is also partial to the occasional chicken nuggets & McD’s which we always find amusing.

When I cook, I like to cook with love for whoever I’m eating with. It’s one of my greatest joys in life, to cook for family and friends, sit down together to eat.

So today mum and I have been bonding over food. We’ve also been eating fresh lychees together whilst we watch TV. There has only been one angry outburst today and I managed to stay calm and not let my anxiety get the better of me so I could also calm mum down.

This is huge progress and I hope it continues.