健康 Jiànkāng

Gardening for Mental Wellness

I’ve been thinking about my gardening journey recently. How gardening brings me so much joy and is one of my much loved passions in life.

My gardening adventures started when I was 8 years old.

We had a wonderful neighbour who lived a couple of doors down. I had a very unhappy childhood, and thanks to the kindness of Mrs James and her husband who were both incredible gardeners with the most beautiful garden and two greenhouses packed with endless treasures to an eight year old me, they brought much needed joy and stability into my young life.

Mrs James instilled in me my love of reading, baking and gardening. She didn’t have any grandchildren, and her home was always open to me. I’m so grateful to her for showing kindness and compassion to me and I will always pay it forward in remembrance of her.

I would help Mr & Mrs James with weeding, and in return they introduced me to a wonderful world of flowers, fruit and vegetables! Whenever I smell lemon balm I immediately think of Mrs James, that was the first cutting she gave me and it kick started my love for gardening. Over the years, I would get sent home with precious cuttings, packets of seeds and instructions on how to take care of my plants. I even had a little section in my mum’s garden where I would grow primroses, geraniums, sweet peas and strawberries.

I only started gardening again a couple of years ago. I had the opportunity to take over my mum’s garden which was overgrown, full of weeds and was in need of a lot of time, love and care.

The first flowers I decided to grow were zinnias, cosmos, marigolds and dahlias (one of my fave flowers). I didn’t plan the garden except for one bed and some pots, I wanted it to be a mish mash and be a little chaotic, I didn’t expect to see so many flowers exploding everywhere!

A few pics from my first year of gardening

The neighbours were bemused as they would see me in the garden playing music to my flowers and also talking to them. What do I say? I give them lots of positive affirmations.

I have a soft spot for dahlias as they were the main flowers at my wedding. I hand picked them from a dahlia flower farm a couple of days before. My wedding bouquet was actually made of paper and was my homage to rave culture as I love bright colours.

Since getting back into gardening, I’ve also grown calla lilies, Japanese anemones, camellia, roses, alliums, crocuses, narcissus, peonies and tulips.

Unfortunately my foray into gardening again hasn’t all been successful. I’ve had complete disasters with ranunculus, hosta devon green, aquilegia, phlox and astilbe. This is down to a neighbour’s cat who is a beautiful, fluffy, majestic kitteh who looks like a lady, but in reality she is a vicious seedling and young plant killer. She has done her business all over my baby plants (may they rest in peace) and also dug them up as she covers up her poo.

I also had a fox coming into the garden who destroyed numerous tulip bulbs as they were digging looking for worms, and they also took large chomps out of my bulbs. Not to mention two holes that get repeatedly dug up which is a booby trap waiting to happen!

Oh, and how did I forget to mention my war with slugs and snails?! But, like all gardeners, we take the losses on the chin, as there is also a lot of joy from gardening. The pain is worth the beauty!

I am so grateful to have a space where I can potter about and find some peace in an often chaotic world. Gardening has brought me peace of mind and I hope to keep going for as long as I can.

AI and Humanity

I’ve been thinking a bit this week about AI and the impact it’s having on our current lives and how it will affect us in the future.

I’ve seen so many stories fearful of AI, how it will destroy creativity and cause job losses. Unfortunately that is true to a certain degree, and yet I want to flip this on its head. I choose to focus on what makes us so powerful and incredible as humans which AI cannot and will not replicate.

Our ability for authentic storytelling, incredible acts of love, kindness, bravery and strength.

We are all walking databases of magic.

We store thousands of moments and memories in our bodies. Some of us push the boundaries of what is physically and mentally capable of ourselves, and this is nothing but wonderment and awe to me.

So whatever your fears are of AI, I hope you are able to see it as a tool to enhance our lives. To give us more time to create the meaningful moments that matter, and what need to nurture ourselves and each other to thrive.

We create magic through many channels – words, art, photos, design, songs, architecture… the list is endless. Our ability to create meaningful moments is incredible.

Long may that continue.

Learning Moments

Heart shaped sea glass I found on the beach

I had a message today that hit me as soon as I left home in the dark at 6am to go to the gym. It was cold, very foggy and as I stared down my road which was half covered in fog, my brain suddenly said “This is a learning moment.”

Then I suddenly had lots of thoughts flooding in so I am trying to make sense of them.

We all have and need learning moments. Some lessons are more obvious, some keep repeating which I take as a sign that we didn’t learn the last time so have to go through it again. Some lessons don’t hit us until months or even years later when we may suddenly get an “Aha!” moment (not the Norwegian band. Morten Harket – teenage swooon).

One thing for sure in my experience, learning moments come through hard times, challenges, gnarly and painful experiences that can break us or make us. What happens when you hit rock bottom? There is only one way to go – slowly up, step by step. Sometimes we may fall backwards and then we climb up again. We have to keep going until we find ourselves – wiser, kinder, more compassionate and more resilient.

The path to enlightenment isn’t all butterflies and roses where you suddenly become engulfed in a cloud of glitter. It is tough, it requires vulnerability, courage and we must be humble enough to face some elements about ourselves that are not very nice and need addressing. We can always do better in some way, none of us are perfect, and this is what makes people so fascinating – we are all flawed. We create our own worlds and they are vastly different.

My message to myself today is this:

Never stop learning

Always be curious

Be kind with your behaviour and words

Live each day the best you can

Listen to A-Ha ‘Take on Me’ (on repeat a few times)

May your day be blessed with love and light.

From Illness to Wellness

I love being in the forest and soaking in the healing energy from trees

I arrived in Thailand on 19th November a burnt out mess. I was a broken shell of who I am due to a culmination of work stress, constantly working late and juggling multiple deadlines, ongoing health issues and worrying not just about the wellbeing of family, friends & colleagues, also worrying about the general state of the world. Everything was overwhelming and consuming me into a dark prison. I was finding it difficult to break out.

My mind was broken, my heart was hurting. I couldn’t even smile properly, everything felt wrong and I had lost my usual positivity and optimism that I carry, even when the chips are down. In order for me to get through a lot of this year I’ve disengaged with certain areas to try and protect my peace… and failed miserably.

Thailand is known as the land of smiles. It’s also where I’ve experienced one of the darkest periods of my life, I wanted to end my life here in 2012 and instead I encountered strangers who became dear friends who helped heal and rebuild me. It’s in our darkest moments we must try to always keep some hope alive, to have faith that things will turn around. The light will find a way to shine into our lives again and bring peace and joy into our hearts and soul. We must keep our eyes open for all the signs around us, for which there are many.

Over the years, I have encountered many people in Thailand thanks to my love of Muay Thai. The art of the eight limbs has brought so many beautiful souls into my life and I am honoured to call them my friends, my tribe, my family.

This trip has coincided with some of my friends from around the world also being in Thailand. It has been a special moment, to reconnect, catch up over brunch, dinners and Muay Thai. I was last here in 2019, before Covid changed the world and I am so grateful to be back and to know my friends who live here are ok – we all endured, survived and continue to overcome.

What have I been doing to heal myself you may ask?

I’ve been focusing on my nutrition and weight training, thanks to my coach who has provided me with an amazing programme over the last ten weeks. We are nearing the end of Phase 1, setting the foundations for the next future phases. I’ve also been stretching, doing bag work and was able to have a couple of private Muay Thai sessions with my Kru.

It’s been very easy to eat nutritious and delicious food out here. There is a big fitness community where we stay, so there are restaurants that cater to our nutritional needs. We’ve of course also been eating amazing Thai food!

I have also been meditating, journaling and having chill time at the beach. One of the most difficult parts of a self development journey is taking a good look at ourselves and being really honest about what we see and what needs to be fixed. I had a conversation over brunch with an incredible friend about the importance of peeling back the layers that make up who we are, looking at our core and not being afraid to rebuild. It’s often an ugly and difficult process, don’t be afraid to take on the work. I’m so grateful for my friends who allow me to be vulnerable, to share with no judgement and always showing me compassion and empathy, whilst also not being afraid to kick my butt from time to time!

Thank you Thailand for being such a beautiful host, not just to me, also to my husband and our friends as we were able to celebrate together after what has been a tough few years since Covid.

Despite the many trials, tribulations that life may throw at us, there are also beautiful moments that we must cherish and remember.

My biggest lesson will be to reinforce my boundaries when I’m home so that I don’t become burnt out again. I can only do so much at work, I have re-prioritised my commitments. I must always remember that my health and wellbeing comes first, not last.

Wherever you are in your own self development journey, I wish you peace and love in your soul. May you also be blessed with your tribe who will walk beside you as we navigate this thing called life.

Namaste.

Small Steps = Big Wins

I’m now on my last full day in Hong Kong before I fly back home and I am reflecting on my time here.

I had crazy anxiety and panic attacks leading up to this trip, and whilst some of my fears did come to fruition, my time here also meant I could confront those challenges and fears and deal with them. I am so grateful for the time I’ve had with my family, it’s opened my eyes and also enabled me to put some little things in place to help manage my mum’s anxiety and dementia. I’ve also been able to address and manage my own feelings about her. It’s also been a really important time with my brother and his wife – we have bonded, we have shared our concerns and talked about the future and what we need to do.

I don’t wish hard times on anyone, however it is those moments where we learn some of life’s biggest lessons. They are often horrible lessons to go through at the time, they will break our hearts, make us cry and push us over the edge. Then over time we look back at it and see how those times helped us to grow. It’s important to learn from the past and not get stuck there. We take those moments to be present, to be in the now.

I see where many of my personality traits and values have come from by spending this time with mum, the good and the bad! I will always respect my mum for her toughness, independence, resilience, smart business sense and her drive for security and to provide for her family which she did all on her own. My mum has had a tough life, made even tougher when my dad passed and she had to bring up five children on her own without any support from her family. My mum is a badass and I take my hat off and salute her.

Then there is the flip side. For the good traits and values that humans have, there is always the opposite which are the less desirable ones. I’m very aware of those and have done a lot of self development over the years, through therapy and my own work. I don’t want to continue the toxic behaviours that have been passed down through our family – they have caused so much hurt, destruction and severed relationships that have continued for many years.

I can’t fix everything in my family, that’s far too big a task and not something I can do alone. I’m super grateful that I have an amazing support network.

What I can do is let my family know I love them, to be present and to be a shoulder to lean on. I know that together we need to be honest, not be afraid to ask for help and to communicate regularly despite the physical distances between us. We can be vulnerable with each other and draw great strength from that by supporting each other. Despite the many challenges and our individual difficult relationships with mum over the years, we have forgiven where we can and will continue moving forwards to let go of our pain so we can heal collectively as a family.

I know there will be more tough times ahead, and we will be as prepared as we can for those moments.

I am so glad I made this trip. It’s been one of my most important life experiences and growth curves.

If you are in a similar situation to mine I hope my recent blogs bring you some comfort and acknowledgement that you are not alone. I pray that you have or find the strength, support and bravery to continue your paths. May our voices and our courage guide us and others. I send you much peace and love.