I arrived in Thailand on 19th November a burnt out mess. I was a broken shell of who I am due to a culmination of work stress, constantly working late and juggling multiple deadlines, ongoing health issues and worrying not just about the wellbeing of family, friends & colleagues, also worrying about the general state of the world. Everything was overwhelming and consuming me into a dark prison. I was finding it difficult to break out.
My mind was broken, my heart was hurting. I couldn’t even smile properly, everything felt wrong and I had lost my usual positivity and optimism that I carry, even when the chips are down. In order for me to get through a lot of this year I’ve disengaged with certain areas to try and protect my peace… and failed miserably.
Thailand is known as the land of smiles. It’s also where I’ve experienced one of the darkest periods of my life, I wanted to end my life here in 2012 and instead I encountered strangers who became dear friends who helped heal and rebuild me. It’s in our darkest moments we must try to always keep some hope alive, to have faith that things will turn around. The light will find a way to shine into our lives again and bring peace and joy into our hearts and soul. We must keep our eyes open for all the signs around us, for which there are many.
Over the years, I have encountered many people in Thailand thanks to my love of Muay Thai. The art of the eight limbs has brought so many beautiful souls into my life and I am honoured to call them my friends, my tribe, my family.
This trip has coincided with some of my friends from around the world also being in Thailand. It has been a special moment, to reconnect, catch up over brunch, dinners and Muay Thai. I was last here in 2019, before Covid changed the world and I am so grateful to be back and to know my friends who live here are ok – we all endured, survived and continue to overcome.
What have I been doing to heal myself you may ask?
I’ve been focusing on my nutrition and weight training, thanks to my coach who has provided me with an amazing programme over the last ten weeks. We are nearing the end of Phase 1, setting the foundations for the next future phases. I’ve also been stretching, doing bag work and was able to have a couple of private Muay Thai sessions with my Kru.
It’s been very easy to eat nutritious and delicious food out here. There is a big fitness community where we stay, so there are restaurants that cater to our nutritional needs. We’ve of course also been eating amazing Thai food!
I have also been meditating, journaling and having chill time at the beach. One of the most difficult parts of a self development journey is taking a good look at ourselves and being really honest about what we see and what needs to be fixed. I had a conversation over brunch with an incredible friend about the importance of peeling back the layers that make up who we are, looking at our core and not being afraid to rebuild. It’s often an ugly and difficult process, don’t be afraid to take on the work. I’m so grateful for my friends who allow me to be vulnerable, to share with no judgement and always showing me compassion and empathy, whilst also not being afraid to kick my butt from time to time!
Thank you Thailand for being such a beautiful host, not just to me, also to my husband and our friends as we were able to celebrate together after what has been a tough few years since Covid.
Despite the many trials, tribulations that life may throw at us, there are also beautiful moments that we must cherish and remember.
My biggest lesson will be to reinforce my boundaries when I’m home so that I don’t become burnt out again. I can only do so much at work, I have re-prioritised my commitments. I must always remember that my health and wellbeing comes first, not last.
Wherever you are in your own self development journey, I wish you peace and love in your soul. May you also be blessed with your tribe who will walk beside you as we navigate this thing called life.
Namaste.
健康 Jiànkāng 