I’ve never been a fan of Fathers Day. This is because my dad passed away when I was 2 and I have no memories of him which torments me even to this day. I feel like a part of me will always be missing and I will always be soul searching to find some connection to him.
I would love to know who he was, what he liked, what was he passionate about, what was his personality like, what were his favourite foods, songs, did he have any hobbies? These all remain a blank to me, my mum refuses to talk about him. The things people don’t say about someone can speak far more loudly than the things they will say. What happened during their time together to make someone so bitter and angry?
Over the years I’ve heard little snippets, but I would struggle to even write a top ten list of things I know about my dad. For those who have lost their dads and were blessed to have a number of years, experiences and memories of them, I often wonder if that is even more harder to live with.
How can you miss someone you have no memory of?
I miss my dad every day. If you have ever wondered if it’s possible to love someone you don’t even know, ask anyone who has lost a parent when they were very young. Yes it is.
There have been a few times over the years when my life has been in a danger and I have felt a huge protective force intervene and save my life. I know without a doubt it’s my dad, don’t ask me how, I just know. I sense his spirit which I find comforting, but it also leaves me yearning to be able to physically hug him and talk to him. I have so many questions I want to ask. What would my life have been and be like if he was alive? This is something I think about often. It also feels a bit strange to be grieving for someone you don’t remember, there are so many layers to grief when you lose a parent at a very young age.
So this year, like every year, I think about my dad and I say a prayer and send love to all the people who are also missing theirs. May you find some peace today, I hope you also feel the love of your dad even though they are not physically here with us.