Small Steps = Big Wins

I’m now on my last full day in Hong Kong before I fly back home and I am reflecting on my time here.

I had crazy anxiety and panic attacks leading up to this trip, and whilst some of my fears did come to fruition, my time here also meant I could confront those challenges and fears and deal with them. I am so grateful for the time I’ve had with my family, it’s opened my eyes and also enabled me to put some little things in place to help manage my mum’s anxiety and dementia. I’ve also been able to address and manage my own feelings about her. It’s also been a really important time with my brother and his wife – we have bonded, we have shared our concerns and talked about the future and what we need to do.

I don’t wish hard times on anyone, however it is those moments where we learn some of life’s biggest lessons. They are often horrible lessons to go through at the time, they will break our hearts, make us cry and push us over the edge. Then over time we look back at it and see how those times helped us to grow. It’s important to learn from the past and not get stuck there. We take those moments to be present, to be in the now.

I see where many of my personality traits and values have come from by spending this time with mum, the good and the bad! I will always respect my mum for her toughness, independence, resilience, smart business sense and her drive for security and to provide for her family which she did all on her own. My mum has had a tough life, made even tougher when my dad passed and she had to bring up five children on her own without any support from her family. My mum is a badass and I take my hat off and salute her.

Then there is the flip side. For the good traits and values that humans have, there is always the opposite which are the less desirable ones. I’m very aware of those and have done a lot of self development over the years, through therapy and my own work. I don’t want to continue the toxic behaviours that have been passed down through our family – they have caused so much hurt, destruction and severed relationships that have continued for many years.

I can’t fix everything in my family, that’s far too big a task and not something I can do alone. I’m super grateful that I have an amazing support network.

What I can do is let my family know I love them, to be present and to be a shoulder to lean on. I know that together we need to be honest, not be afraid to ask for help and to communicate regularly despite the physical distances between us. We can be vulnerable with each other and draw great strength from that by supporting each other. Despite the many challenges and our individual difficult relationships with mum over the years, we have forgiven where we can and will continue moving forwards to let go of our pain so we can heal collectively as a family.

I know there will be more tough times ahead, and we will be as prepared as we can for those moments.

I am so glad I made this trip. It’s been one of my most important life experiences and growth curves.

If you are in a similar situation to mine I hope my recent blogs bring you some comfort and acknowledgement that you are not alone. I pray that you have or find the strength, support and bravery to continue your paths. May our voices and our courage guide us and others. I send you much peace and love.