I have been in a reflective mood recently. I had hit a brick wall and I was in a funk, recent events have jolted me out of this and I realise how much more healing work I have ahead of me. I’m now ready to continue my journey.
We all have an inner child. For some, it may remind you of carefree days, fun, laughter and lots of happy memories. For others, our childhood was full of trauma, tears, arguments and many unhappy memories. What happens to all of that as we become adults?
I am one of the lucky ones. I have been able to afford private therapy sessions over the years to help me deal with my childhood, and also cope with some adult life events that have knocked me for six.
I am also very grateful for my support circle. My family, not by blood, but of that by choice and shared experiences. This didn’t really happen until my 30s when I became less anxious and fearful of the past, learnt the hard way that friends can also be enemies in disguise, people will smile in your face and stab you in the back. I had to close numerous doors so that I could move forward, and this is something I struggled with for a long time as I was still loyal to those who didn’t give me the same courtesy. It was a very tough lesson and a rude awakening. I had to learn to trust again.
There are two facets to my inner child. I want to maintain a sense of joy and wonder at the world around me. I didn’t experience much of this when I was young and so as an adult this has turned into my love of travelling, experiencing different cultures and trying new things. The pandemic has put a stop to the travels for the time being, but I look forward to it resuming one day.
Then there is the other side, the broken and hurt child. The one that will still retreat, hide and want to run away when life becomes too much. This has been me for the last year or so. It is that child that I need to nurture and show my care, love and attention, I want to heal myself. I need to let some things go and say goodbye to the past.
Today I feel a glimmer of hope.
I am hopeful not just for myself but for others too. Everyone is struggling in some way, my faith in humanity is being restored by seeing words of support and actions being offered to those in need. Thank you to everyone who has sent me kind messages recently. You have helped keep me afloat. This is one of the things that gives me hope. When life gets us down, we shouldn’t be afraid to ask for help, we are all vulnerable.
We will ride through this storm together. Hold on tight!